VANCOUVER — Sure there are the late-night feedings, the early-morning hockey practices, and all kinds of stress — but new research suggests that parents are still happier than childless couples.
A forthcoming paper from psychologists at the University of British Columbia, Stanford, and the University of California suggests parents experience greater levels of happiness and meaning than non-parents and parents derive more joy from child care than other daily tasks.
The paper, In Defense of Parenthood: Children Are Associated With More Joy Than Misery, combines three different studies, one from each school, and will be published in the journal Psychological Science this year.
"We were surprised by our findings," said Elizabeth Dunn, a University of British Columbia psychology professor and co-author of the study. "The impression many of us have now from media and academic research is that parenting seems to be this rather negative experience."
In the past, other research has linked parenthood with lower life satisfaction, unhappy marriages and even depression. But in the UBC study, 186 participants were asked to rank how they felt during their day-to-day activities, such as going to work, cooking, commuting, socializing, playing with children and changing diapers. Parents reported they felt child care was more meaningful and made them happier than other tasks.
Dunn — who is expecting her first child — said parenthood is related to, but may not cause, happiness.
"I'm not the pregnant girl going around saying everyone needs to have babies to be happy," she said. "As a scientist, I'm not saying that. But you're not about to enter a dark period of misery, which was the impression that's out there."
But new parents report that things do change after baby.
"We were this happy, carefree couple," said Raj Sharma, 35. He and wife Jasmeen Gill, 30, have a seven-week-old infant. "Now we have a kid, so there's a whole new set of considerations."
No going out to lounges or dinners and no more drinking, said Gill. And no one told her about nursing every two hours, even in the middle of the night. "It's been seven weeks, and I haven't had more than 2 1/2 half hours' sleep in one stretch."
Still, they say they plan on expanding their family.
"Absolutely," Gill said. "Even though my life has changed, there's so much more to it, the meaning, the experience. . . . It's only been seven weeks but already I'm like, 'When am I going to have my next child?' "
Kristin and Kambiz Asrar-Haghighi, parents to 16-year-old Malik and four-year-old Arman, say they're "over the moon."
"Not having kids never occurred to us," Kambiz said. "Having kids and what it adds to our lives, is the best thing that ever happened to me. If we had a perfect world of unlimited funds, we wouldn't stop at two." When Arman was born he had breathing problems and Kristin rarely slept, but she remembers that time with a smile. "It must be all those euphoric hormones," she said.
There are, of course, two sides to every debate.
When Daniela Camacho and her husband, Stephen, both 23, married last year, everyone assumed babies were on the way. But they decided against parenthood. "We're so happy with our jobs, that's what's making us decide against having kids," she said. She works in software, he in advertising. Plus, they can travel, jetting off to Whistler, Paris or Guatemala. "For us it's about finding something outside our relationship that makes us really happy and finding joy in the relationship between us," Camacho said.
zmcknight@vancouversun.com