How I Learned to Swap Anxiety for Excitement

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“I’m so excited… I’m so excited… I’m so scared.” These lines, uttered on an iconic episode of Saved By The Bell, were said by character Jessie Spano during a caffeine-induced meltdown, but they also contain some science-backed wisdom. Anxiety, fear, stress and performance are all related, as a recent Harvard Business School study indicates.

Published by the American Psychological Association, the study found that when people tell themselves to get excited, they perform better than they do when they tell themselves to calm down. “When people feel anxious and try to calm down, they are thinking of all the things that could go badly. When they’re excited, they’re thinking of all the things that could go well,” said study author Alison Wood Brooks, PhD.

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As someone who frequently freaks out about everything—from work assignments to social interactions—this study fascinated me. While I’ve never been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder, I know from the near-constant gnawing in my stomach that my personality is definitely on the more nervous side of normal. At my first job, I kept a box packed underneath my desk because I was sure that every time my boss had a closed-door meeting, it was because she was about to fire me. Whenever I hear fire engines wailing while I’m on the sidewalk, I assume they’re headed to my apartment. I’m always imagining the worst-case scenario, and I know it’s an attitude that’s not doing me any good. It's both stressful and hindering: I hardly ever push myself to my maximum—at the gym, at work, at life—because I’m terrified of failure. So after I read this study, I decided to give their approach a try, and trick myself into being less freaked out and more psyched about everyday stressors. Here’s how the experiment played out.

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DREADED MOMENT #1: WORK-RELATED STRESS

I’m the all-too-common writer that hates revising. I’d just turned in a particularly tricky draft last week that I knew would come back with major questions from my editor. Normally, I procrastinate until the day before the assignment is due, just because I’m so scared I won’t do a good job or won’t deliver what the editor needs.

I’m Excited! I said this, expecting to still spend hours flicking from Facebook to Twitter—my usual methods of hours-long procrastination. But when I said the sentence, I stopped thinking about how my editor would react and started thinking about how cool the piece would look in print, how interesting the subject was, how I was looking forward to diving deeper into it. And the more I thought about the rewards—praise from my editor, crossing it off my to-do list, getting a paycheck—the more I actually wanted to get started.

DREADED MOMENT #2: FIRST DATE

We’d been speaking back and forth on Tinder, and when the guy asked if I’d like to get together for drinks that evening, I automatically balked. I was wearing a pair of yoga pants and an ancient camisole, heading out would require a shower and blow-drying my hair, it was three days before Christmas, and our back-and-forths had only been eh. Still, in the name of science, I accepted.

I’m Excited! Looking forward to it! I typed. Was I? Nope. Still annoyed about showering and changing and heading into the cold for drinks with a stranger. Even though I wasn’t in the mood, I chose a sparkly top and skinny jeans. I tried to focus on the positives: getting out of the apartment, heading to a new bar, having a conversation with another human being. And … it was fine. There weren’t any sparks and nothing I could tell myself would change that. If anything, I feel my instinct at wanting to cancel may have been correct—when our conversation turned to what kind of pets we had as children, it was clear that not only did we have nothing in common, but that our struggle for common ground had become comical. Sometimes, the reason why you’re not psyched for a first date isn’t nerves, it’s just realizing that the stilted text conversations and awkward phone calls are signs it’s not going to work.

DREADED MOMENT #3: SPIN CLASS

I know, working out is supposed to be relaxing, but I’m competitive as all hell, especially when I go to a class at Flywheel, where participants are ranked on the Torq Board in front of the class to show how they’re doing in comparison to everyone else. I always choose to put my name on the board, because I feel I get a better workout. Usually, though, I start at the top of the list, then tumble down when someone’s on my tail: The stress of keeping up can be too much for me.

I’m Excited! Because it was the holidays, the instructor announced the top male and female finishers would win a prize. I cranked my resistance up, pedaled to the maximum and kept imagining how psyched I’d feel if I won. I thought about how I’d Facebook brag about the feat, how I’d feel accomplished for the rest of the day, how all I had to do was keep going hard. And I won! The prize was a certificate for a free class, and only two Facebook friends cared about my accomplishment, but I felt awesome—and was pretty impressed that thinking about the rewards of pushing myself hard got me over my usual workout hump.

DREADED MOMENT #4: NEW YEAR’S EVE

I had an invite to a party at the house of a guy I used to date. Now, we’re just friends, but I still wondered whether it’d be weird, who else would be there, and whether he’d try to kiss me at midnight. I’m not a huge fan of enforced merriment in the first place, so even though I’d RSVP-ed yes, I wasn’t exactly enthusiastic.

I’m Excited! I was not excited. Not when I got dressed (in the same sparkly top I’d worn on my earlier date), not when I texted my friend Erin asking if she thought it’d be all right to head to the party without a bottle of wine in hand, and not when I rode the elevator to his penthouse apartment. And at this point, I had a little bit of looking-on-the-bright-side burnout. So I ditched the mantra, headed to the bar ... and, two glasses of prosecco later, felt far more enthusiastic than I had earlier.

THE VERDICT: Ultimately, focusing on the rewards instead of the massive amount of in-the-moment stress was helpful in redirecting my energy—especially when it came to goal-oriented tasks, like workouts and writing. But when it came to my personal life, I knew I was feeding myself a line. Next time I’m second-guessing a date or dreading a party, I’m going to follow my instincts… even if they do lead me to the bar for a nerve-calming cocktail. And if any other studies come out that give tips for how to deal with an anxious personality? Let’s just say I’m excited to see them.

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