Editor’s Note: This is part 5 in the Change is Scary, Hairy, and Necessary series. Part one ran Feb. 27, part two April 7, part three April 24 and part four on May 9
New Year’s resolutions often fail due to biting off a hefty piece that is too tough to chew and swallow. Morsels go down easier than chunks and are more palatable. Are you a see-the-big-picture person or the diva of details? Gravitate toward your strengths instead of your Achilles’ heel. While some beliefs need amended, adjusted, or adapted—some need thrown out with the dirty diapers. Expecting sizzling sun in the middle of winter in North America is a fallacy, but embracing the changing seasons is the flip side of the coin.
Reflect on the following questions: Is my belief system rigid or flaccid? Do I avoid or accept change? Do I value stability or spontaneity? Do I engage in all or nothing thinking? Can I choose how to think differently about a situation when I can’t change it?
What we think is connected to how we feel and what we do. Changing how we think about the change process is helpful because change can be both planned and unplanned. Unexpected change can become overwhelming and we freeze. Ignore your vehicle’s red oil light and guess what eventually happens. Human beings are much more complicated and there are times when doing nothing may work depending upon the situation. And sometimes doing nothing makes things worse.
Reflect upon the following self-talk declarations: I can change how I think about change. I can become more flexible about making changes. I can learn to better understand change. On a 1-5 scale, rate your use of positive statements about change. Go to your laptop and type the things you do well. I want you to brainstorm and list as many as you can. Keep this list and read it daily. These things are your strengths, positive traits, areas of competency, and effective behaviors. Give your list a creative title like “my talents” or “my outstanding strengths and things I do well.” Use your strengths as you practice change management strategies. If a technique worked in the past then try it again. Whatever works for you—then do it more. Apply your strengths to your change management abilities. Build on the muscle you already flex. Reframe your thinking and focus on finding solutions instead of staying stuck on roadblocks.
In the early 1950’s, Don Clifton noticed that psychology was based on the study of what is wrong with people and he began to study what is right with people. In the 1990’s, the field of Positive Psychology emerged. In 2002, The American Psychological Association cited Don Clifton, Ph.D. as the Grandfather of Positive Psychology. His book, Now Discover Your Strengths, was a bestseller.
Analyzing how to make better choices is a piece of change management. It’s a formula that continually needs tweaked based on new knowledge. Increased awareness is a catalyst for pursuing other options. You have made many appropriate choices in the past. How did you select one option over the other? You have made hundreds of decisions up to this point. Now it’s time to become more intentional about decision-making. Review your methods and dive into your skills. What resources do you use to make decisions? Jog your memory concerning important decisions you’ve made. Did the results come about because of luck or intentional planning? Use your brain before you make a change.
Maya Angelou writes, “If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude. Don’t complain.”
Melissa Martin, Ph.D., is a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor in Ohio