Yours is yours, mine is ours – the rat psychology

Peter Muthamia
     CANDID TALK

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I, the poor son of this rat and cockroach infested Uswaz acquired my kindergaten “education” through the classroom window at Katerero Primary School several decades ago.That is why you enjoy this third-rate column every weekend. My little education notwithstanding, I am trapped in the notion that Uswahilinites have some rat traits that are simply irksome.

Indeed, my learned Uswaz buddy Dr Winchinslauss Rwegoshora (PhD, MA, BA) thinks that there is a striking similarity between the rats always doing their rat-dance in my ceiling and ordinary Uswaz dwellers.I have discovered that rats have eaten up everything in their sight including computer keyboards, college certificates and my favourite mtumba suit – for the sake of it.

In this rat and roach infested Uswaz, everyone takes for granted that what I own is theirs – they gnaw at everything at their disposal even when they really don’t need it.

Uswaz residents hate with a passion the principle of reciprocity whereby, the give and take is the rule of law. They are people always on the receiving end with their arms always outstreched. If you give them an inch, they want a mile.
For instance, I recently bought a hosepipe to ensure that my one-and-only Bisho Ntongo does not break her back ferrying water from the public tap. Everyone desperately wants it now.

The other day, I denied Hussein the wag the use of the accursed pipe.  The next thing is that since I happen to be as lanky as a pencil, it was evidence enough to seek the “help” of the Immigration Department to have me deported to Somalia, alleging that I owe some ancestry to Al Shabaab – the usual Uswaz malice.

Uswaz is a very difficult place to live. Any step towards development is viewed with a lot of suspicion and is indeed noxious unless you share the spoils.For example when my Dr Winch purchased a reconditioned Toyota from Dubai, the entire Uswaz grapevine was abuzz with news that he was embezzling some NGO funds.

When I purchased a TV junk that must have been discarded in garbage damp somewhere in Sweden, the entire Uswaz felt that they had a right to it.  Whenever there was some programme of their interest, they literally pitched tent in my two-room shack denying me the much-needed privacy.

Dirty kids and their mothers filled the living room such that the place looked more like the National Stadium.Consequently, Bisho Ntongo took a very bold step. She banished them from the house forever. We are now criticised by all Uswaz for it, but who cares?

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