The psychology of high-profile public figures and sex scandals

Work and love are not centre-stage with pathological narcissists, who are busy with a life and death struggle to preserve their inflated self-image - writes psychologist

Most of the immoral and dysfunctional leadership we see today is the result of a flaw in a person's psychological development, called pathological narcissism. Where there is light, there is also a shadow. Recent sex scandals of high-profile men in positions of great public power demonstrate all the classic signs of emanating from that shadow.

What is pathological narcissism, how does it develop and why it is so difficult to detect? One important source of pathological narcissism can be found along the child's pathway to maturity. Think about it as the development of different kinds of 'intelligences' that a child uses as it learns to make sense of life. In a well-balanced situation, at a certain stage a child will discover the 'intelligence' of 'will power'.

Everybody has met a high chair emperor. If we, as parents, fail to help the child to balance its will, the child grows up believing that it is entitled to have its own way all the time. Even if reality clearly proves that it cannot always get what it wants, that sense of entitlement can still survive to adulthood. That part of the personality often starts to behave parasitically – as a narcissus parasite – dominating and using all the other intelligences along the spectrum of normal healthy development - the rule/role intelligence, rational intelligence, sensitive intelligence and so on to promote a lopsided self-image.

This self-image is weak and false. False because it is not based on reality. Weak because it is unable to stand on its own two feet and needs constant confirmation of its grandeur illusions. You will not get much done, but you'll still look good, as that is what you're good at. Our current obsession with various kinds of celebrity cultures is another source. Different media and the 'everybody-is-a-star' movement are other ways in which we encourage and even promote narcissism in our children and our society.

So what's the big deal? Our society needs strong, dominating people. The big deal is that pathological narcissists are, quite simply, extremely dangerous. Psychologists tell us that normal balanced people are motivated by love and work. Doing a good job and forming good relationships with other people. However, work and love are not centre-stage with narcissists, who are busy with a life and death struggle to preserve their inflated self-image. With their self-image on death row, they are as dangerous as a cornered cobra; full of narcissistic rage. For a military leader, the defence of the self-image could involve anything, including genocide, putting the security of their country or the lives of their troops at risk, or even pushing that big red button.

This could explain why a popular and powerful leader could be foolish enough to squander everything – his reputation, his family, his nation's security – for the short lived pleasure of an extra-marital affair. If he is indeed suffering from a 'narcissus parasite', then you can be sure it had nothing to do with anything so simple as temptation, seduction, or a late midlife crisis. It happened because it represented something he desperately needed. Not getting his narcissistic fuel - the attention and adulation of others - to keep him going; he will feel depressed, worthless, useless and lonely.

Everyone knows the term 'narcissism' and we are all impacted by their collateral damage whether on Wall Street, on Main Street or on military tour. So how come we do not spot these dangerous people before they become so powerful? Why does society allow such behaviour when we are experiencing a pandemic of narcissism, witnessing narcissistic leaders rising through the ranks in the military, political and corporate world? Our conclusion is this: we have not yet learned to correctly identify the symptoms of the narcissus parasite.

Both we, the public, and the people responsible for appointing our leaders, do not see beyond the surface. We do not detect the two year old hiding behind the uniform and the medals. Narcissistic people can look successful, charming and competent. After all, they've spent a lifetime keeping up an appearance. We only spot something out of the ordinary when that precious self-image of theirs is threatened.

The crux of the matter is that we cannot be a human without other humans. We need each other. It takes a dance between dominance and yielding to work things out between us. Narcissist parasites are unable to yield. They believe they are entitled to everything – on Wall Street it is that million-dollar bonus. In the case of recent high-profile scandals, that lover. If you have a sense of becoming a servant or a tool, something to decorate and prop up someone's life; if there is unnatural aggression when you challenge them and no sign of curiosity - you will know you are in the presence of a Narcissus parasite.

Mats Eriksson is a Swedish psychologist and corporate communications specialist. He and his wife Karin are the authors of The Salamander Club

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