We all have them — people in our lives who stay perpetually blissful despite life's barrage of bumps and bruises. We often look at these people with great perplexity.

How can people stay optimistic when the walls are tumbling down?

This age-old question has evolved into a relatively new field — Positive Psychology, the study of happiness, according to Psychology Today. Psychology traditionally focused on dysfunction: people with mental illness or other psychological problems and how to treat them. Positive Psychology examines how ordinary people can become happier and more fulfilled.

So, how do we get on the path to the psychological good life?

Being an optimist or a pessimist boils down to the way you talk to yourself, says Stacey C.S. Taylor, a psychotherapist and clinical social worker at Adult Child Mental Health Care on Ninth Avenue.

"I truly believe in the quote 'Life is not about finding yourself ... Life is about creating yourself' by George Bernard Shaw because it places the responsibility for the possibilities on each one of us," Taylor says.

WRITE YOUR OWN STORY

"We don't have to wander through life feeling lost or as if we haven't 'found' ourselves because the truth is that we are the author of the story of our life, and each day is a new opportunity to rework it, redefine it and mold it into the life we want to create for ourselves," Taylor says.

"Just taking a hold of and owning this simple truth can give us the freedom we need to see the possibilities of a happy, successful and passion-filled life,'' Taylor says.

"Of course, life can and will bring circumstances in our path that make staying positive, happy and feeling fulfilled seem an unattainable dream, but that couldn't be further from the truth,'' Taylor says.

"Again, it's about creating the life we want, choosing to define it for ourselves. So, the choice is constantly ours to focus on things that bring us joy, motivate us, inspire us and offer us glimpses of hope and gratitude."

QUESTION SELF

Ask yourself, Taylor says: When was the last time you did something for the first time; practiced your favorite hobby; participated in a project, group, class, or sport that absolutely inspired, excited and motivated you; verbalized gratitude to someone who has made a difference in your life? Or when did you last share some awesome detail about your day, even after having the worst day you've had all week?

"These are a few practical ways to help remain positive and feeling fully alive in the day-to-day humdrum of punching the proverbial time-clock, feeding children/families, and/or running households," Taylor says.

ACCEPT THE NEGATIVE THEN MOVE ON

In her practice as an existential therapist at Arya Therapy Services on Zaragoza Street, Tamara Powell says she is frequently asked how to become a more positive person.

"Part of me is always perplexed by this question. To me, being negative is not necessarily something to run from. It is the running away that causes the suffering, not the experience of negativity itself,'' she says.

"Oftentimes, my clients come in with very serious issues, which can seem insurmountable on the surface — divorce, abuse, trauma, loss, addiction and more," Powell says. "Keeping a 'positive outlook' sounds great in theory, however, it can also come off as trite and disingenuous. And there, my friends, lies the problem."

Powell quotes Dutch humanist and scholar Desiderius Erasmus: "It is the chiefest point of happiness that a man is willing to be what he is."

LISTEN TO YOUR AUTHENTIC SELF

Powell says that does not mean to wallow indefinitely in our circumstances, allowing our negative thoughts and feelings to take over.

"But we can't make it out if we don't acknowledge them for what they are and only for what they are: indicators of our present experience," Powell says. "Rumi's 'The Guest House' proposes that we should greet each thought and emotion, even the dark ones, as an unexpected visitor, a guest to be treated with honor for what they might teach us. He even went so far as to insinuate we might laugh at them."

The key is authenticity, Powell says.

"You simply acknowledge whatever comes up for you during the day and weigh it against your internal truth," Powell says. "Far too many of us have long ceased listening to our authentic self and exchanged our personal voice of truth for that of our peers, former caregivers or even our culture.

"When you start to feel yourself going to a negative place, ask, 'Where is this coming from?' and 'What do I need right now?' The answer may be more alone time, connection with others, a sense of creativity in your life, or even just a brownie sundae. When you honor your authenticity, feelings of positivity tend to follow."

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