Sports psychology expert, author and radio host Rick Wolff, left, is interviewed by Weston Basketball Association President David Levy. Wolff talked about issues in sports parenting on Feb. 19 in the Weston High auditorium.—Rocco Paul Valluzzo photo
When it comes to their children playing sports, most parents want them to have fun, especially at the youth level. Sometimes, however, the fun element can take a back seat to the desire to have them succeed.
Such a topic, as well as other trends in sports parenting, was addressed at “Are we taking the fun out of youth sports, and if so, why?” on Feb. 19, in the Weston High Auditorium. Sponsored by the Weston Basketball Association and Weston Sports Commission, the evening featured sports psychology and sports parenting expert Rick Wolff, who was interviewed by WBA President David Levy.
Wolff has been featured in Sports Illustrated, The New York Times, GQ, USA Today, Psychology Today, and has been interviewed on all the major television networks. For the past 15 years, he has hosted a weekly sports parenting program, The Sports Edge, on WFAN radio in New York City.
According to Wolfe, children begin to understand the concept of winning and losing at around four of five years old. At six or seven they see how they stack up against their peers.
By then, Wolff said, parents begin to put a certain level of expectations on their child, although not deliberately.
“As kids get older, parents say ‘go out and have fun’ but don’t mean it,” he said. “They really mean ‘go out and be a star.’”
In doing this, parents think they are just trying to be good sports parents. But to help avoid it, Wolff suggested they give their children what he referred to as a “praise sandwich” when talking to them. In this situation, a parent gives the child a slice of praise, followed by a thin piece of constructive criticism, followed again by another slice of praise.
At this stage it is important for parents to be supportive. They should never be seen by their child as pushing.
Criticizing a child’s athletic performance is one of the biggest problems parents of athletes face. According to a Michigan State University study conducted among children ages five to 13 that play sports, half preferred their parents did not come to watch them play.
That study also found that by the time children turn age 13 or 14, close to 75% those who play an organized sport wind up quitting.
“Your child is always seeking your approval,” Wolff said. “They’re just glad to know you’re there and paying attention.”
Joining Wolff in the discussion was Noah Savage, who grew up in Weston and played basketball through middle school before moving to Princeton, N.J., where he played at the Hun School, Princeton University and professionally in Europe. Savage gave insight on playing in college and recruiting.
Parents can be overbearing in the college recruiting process, not just in youth sports, he said. Such can be detrimental at the former level as well.
The chances of a high school athlete getting recruited to play a sport in college are slim. While many may receive letters from schools expressing interest in them, Savage noted it is a far cry from actually getting a scholarship offer.
“Less than 4% of all varsity high school athletes make a Division I team,” he said.
Even then, those who are actually recruited do not see much playing time.
“There are a lot of kids at Division I schools who never get off the bench,” he added.
A question that parents of athletes often ask is at what age is it appropriate to specialize in one sport in particular. Wolff noted that playing one sport year-round does not guarantee a scholarship.
“Let the motivation come from them,” he said. “If the child does not have the inherent motivation, there is nothing you can do to get him to play hard.”