Star of ‘Braxton Family Values’ shares advice at Savannah’s Southern Women’s Show

Dr. Sherry Blake has seen it all.

A licensed clinical psychologist, her clients include celebrities in the entertainment industry, news and sports arena, plus regular people from throughout the community. Blake has made numerous radio and television appearances to share her expertise.

At 5:30 p.m. Sunday, Blake will close out the Southern Women’s Show at the Savannah International Trade Convention Center on Hutchinson Island with “Get an Emotional Makeover” at the Balance Your Life Stage.

Blake earned a Ph.D. in clinical psychology from Vanderbilt University in Nashville, Tenn. “I’ve been a psychologist almost 30 years,” she said. “In becoming a psychologist, I had the pleasure of working with all age groups and started seeing so many patterns.”

As the official psychologist for the National Football League’s Southeast Division, Blake has worked with many football players. “People hurt and have emotional pain, and with celebrities or athletes, things are magnified,” she said.

Currently, Blake is appearing in the second season of “Braxton Family Values,” a reality show about singer Toni Braxton and her family. “I’m always grateful but always surprised when someone stops me on the street because they recognize me,” Blake said.

“I love people and really enjoy working with these people. This is a reality show that is quite real.

“The difference between ‘Braxton Family Values’ and other shows is the fact that the Braxtons sought professional help,” she said. “For the African-American community in particular, the show has allowed others to see it’s okay to get help from a psychologist.”

At the show, Blake’s presentation will be based on her book “The Single-Married Woman.” The book covers something she often sees in her own practice — women who feel all alone in their marriages.

“For many, it starts right away,” Baker said. “In my book, I talk about the need to discuss expectations from the marriage up front.

“Everyone brings their own baggage and expectations to a marriage,” she said. “The husband may expect his wife to do it all.”

That means all the housework, childcare, cooking and other responsibilities, even for women who work full-time outside the home.

“I think communication is the bottom line,” Blake said. “Women must understand themselves and understand what they want in life.”

Some women don’t know what they want from marriage, Blake said. “But they definitely know what they don’t want,” she said.

“They tell me, ‘I want a mate, a husband, a relationship where we really share and do things together. I don’t want to be the everything for everybody.’

“I see it with different age groups,” Blake said. “It’s not African American or white. It may take different forms, but the issues stay the same.”

While some things have changed, others haven’t. “It used to be women didn’t work outside the home like they do now,” Blake said.

“They didn’t have full-time jobs, or they had a family support system where someone was always there to help,” she said. “Today, many families live in isolation and are their own base support system. In a single married woman-type relationship, everything falls on one person.”

In response, some women develop unhealthy coping styles. “Some will push it in,” Blake said. “Some will get angry.

“Others will overeat and become emotional eaters,” she said. “In the book, my goal is to have women stop and take a look in the mirror.”

Blake has seen reactions across the board. “Some women won’t talk about it, but they do it all and are very resentful,” she said.

“Then we have women who do it all and are miserable, but have learned to play the martyr role,” Blake said. “They have people say to them, ‘How do you do it all?’ and they get reinforced by that.

“Another thing is the women who complain, complain, complain, but aren’t changing their ways,” she said. “They’re very angry and agitated.”

Ironically, it’s the quiet ones you have to look out for. “Those who suffer in silence are usually really, really angry,” Blake said. “A lot of times, depression sets in. They feel overwhelmed, that they have no choice.”

Blake is quick to point out she is not blaming anyone. “This is not a book to bash men, it is meant to empower women,” she said.

“Most men will do something if you ask them,” Blake said. “They may not know they need to be an active part of the relationship in terms of chores.”

In her book, Blake deals with four different women who are dealing with the same issues. One is a high-powered executive, one is part of a blended family, one is abused, and one is a religious woman who learns her husband is watching pornography.

Not only does Blake tell how the women responded to the problem, but she also gives answers that ultimatly help them. In addition to her presentation today, she will sign copies of the book.

“I encourage people to continue to grow and understand whatever situation they’re dealing with,” Blake said. “There are answers, and while the answer may not be what you want it to be, you have to look at your choices and empower yourself. Women must learn to empower themselves to get life where they want it to be.”

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