Posted: Thursday, December 27, 2012 11:00 am
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Updated: 11:47 am, Thu Dec 27, 2012.
CapitalGazette.com
Posted on
December 27, 2012
It seemed like there were some strange things happening around Annapolis last Thursday night. My daughter had been describing the series of events that were supposed to unfold “as the world ended” on Dec. 21 and had just uttered the phrase, “It starts with the power going out,” when the lights began to blink. They went out, came on, went out, came on, went out and then stayed out, leaving the community in rain-soaked darkness. A quick check on the Internet found local video postings of an unusual glowing, pulsing light phenomenon in the area just before the outage. The way events unfolded that night had a lot of people, even the most hardened skeptics, wondering what was going on!
As it turned out, the eerie green and blue glow in the sky and the electric outage was the result of the Annapolis power substation blowing a transformer. The lights were back on within a few hours and obviously, business went on as usual without any catastrophic ending to the world. In the ensuing days a number of people somewhat sheepishly admitted to having some second thoughts about what was really happening when the power went down without any obvious reason. Relieved that it was not any catastrophic event, the timing of the power outage and the anxiety it produced provided a window into the process and power our mind has for interpreting — or creating — our “reality.” It shows how powerful expectations and beliefs are in molding our perceptions and influencing our conclusions about the world around us.
With the start of another new year just days away, we have the opportunity to apply this understanding of the mind to help improve our life and the lives of those around us. Instead of creating “resolutions” that are nothing more than goals or outcomes based in wishful thinking, we can focus on the “process” of living that moves us toward a more meaningful and loving life. If we are able to apply our knowledge about the power of expectations and beliefs to our daily lives, we are more likely to reach our goals and live more happily. In other words, we would all benefit from becoming our own “power programmers” to help move our thoughts, feelings and behaviors toward the goals we feel are important in our life.
This approach is based in the understanding that we all possess a patchwork of personal programming (beliefs and expectations) that are the result of an interaction between our unique biology, our individual experiences and our exposure to various sources of information. While we all hope for a healthy biology, positive experiences and good information, the truth is that our programming may or may not always be helpful in moving us in the direction that we want or need to go. Our personal programming is determined and influenced by many factors that are mostly out of our control.
As children, we have little influence over the experiences we have and minimal control over the type of information that we are given. These early experiences can start the development of core beliefs that influence, filter or shape all of our subsequent experiences. Since we are designed for survival, many of our early beliefs about the world end up creating a program to protect or defend us rather than help us grow or try new things. As a result, we may end up with thoughts, beliefs and behaviors that are negatively steeped or are in conflict with one another. Our beliefs may also be at odds with other people’s prevailing viewpoints or flawed in a way that moves us in a nonproductive or painful life direction.
Our upcoming new year is a temporal reminder of our ability to get a “fresh start” and take more control over our experiences, thoughts and beliefs. This can enable us to start moving in the direction we would like over the coming year instead of doing the same old thing and getting the same results. Serving as our own “power programmer,” we may want to start by taking some time in self-reflection to answer a few personal questions such as: What kind of person do I want to be? What are the reasons for my being here? What would I like to accomplish, experience or achieve? How do I want to view and behave toward myself? How do I want to view and behave toward others?
By examining our personal beliefs about ourselves and others, we have the opportunity to change those beliefs that are fundamentally flawed or destructive to us. Negative and unrealistic thoughts are often at the core of our problems and keep us trapped in self-defeating behaviors. There are a number of personal beliefs and expectations that are healthy and can be useful throughout our lives. Here are five examples of some beliefs that were culled from successful and happy people. See if you could consider living according to these beliefs and imagine how your life might change if you did!
- While I am not perfect, I am a good person who is usually trying to do the best that I can. As a human being, I am as valuable as anyone else and I have a determination to live well and to try and find happiness.
- Other people are also generally trying to do the best that they can and even though I don’t always agree with or understand everything they do, I know that in their mind it makes sense to them. Rather than being frustrated or angry with them, I am better off accepting that they see it differently and trying to understand them.
- I understand that I am happiest and at my best when I focus on trying to manage my own thoughts, feelings and behaviors. I realize that I have very little control or influence over other people or events in the world and I am not going to expend valuable energy worrying about or trying to control things that are out of my control.
- I know that I can do “this” and no matter what the problem is, there is a solution to it. No matter how bad things seem to be, there is a solution that can be found that moves me closer to my goals.
- I believe that there is no failure, only learning. Every experience that I have, no matter how challenging, disappointing or even painful it is, strengthens my knowledge and wisdom for living. Life is a series of events, some great, some not so great, that help me to achieve wisdom. I will never quit, but I always look forward to learning more.
Counselors trained in cognitive behavioral therapy can help us become more effective in our own personal programming. Imagine how much more success and happiness we might have if we were to entertain more positive and productive thoughts about ourselves and others. Rather than expecting the “end of the world” or other negative outcomes that influence our perceptions in the wrong direction, we can harness the power of positive expectations and beliefs to help create a wonderful and prosperous life in the new year ahead!
Dr. Scott E. Smith is a licensed psychologist with Spectrum Behavioral Health in Arnold and Annapolis. To contact him, call 410-757-2077 or write to him at 1509 Suite F, Ritchie Highway, Arnold MD 21012.
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Thursday, December 27, 2012 11:00 am.
Updated: 11:47 am.
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