Posted: Saturday, February 22, 2014 9:00 am

Psychology Beat!

Carole Kjellander, Ph.D.

The Daily Press

Bereavement is a special time of growth from extreme pain. They say the first year is the hardest, in that you’re still dealing with the shock of the loss, and many “firsts,” as each special day of the year rolls around and is, in fact, noted as different because of the absence of the loved one. What people who have not experienced bereavement yet don’t know is that we grow tremendously in our perspective on life because of the fact that life has been changed completely in terms of what it means. We compare ourselves a lot to pre-loss people, of course, who are living the life we did before we knew loss of this magnitude existed, the ol’ work hard, play hard, set ambitious goals of achievement for ourselves and others life. Blissful ignorance that all things end, and thus no matter how great the sand castle you built, or how wonderful the sensory and mental pleasures, they are but a flash in the pan of cosmic time.

I’m deeply interested in the bereavement growth process, which is deeply spiritual and expands all kinds of windows of awareness about this life and whatever lies beyond. What I’ve heard and even experienced myself is the pressure from those less directly involved in the loss a pressure to do it the way they would do it, to not place reminders of pain in their view which they feel barely able to cope with, and to return, please, to the simple life of pre-loss reality in which pleasant talk prevails.

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