Positive Thinking Tools Imply Lying to Oneself?

In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful

Assalamu `alaikum sister and thank you for your question. It’s definitely a different kind of question than what we are used to getting here! Although I am not a psychologist or a scholar per se, I will try and answer your question to the best of my ability and may Allah forgive me for any errors in anything that I write that is untrue or inaccurate.

Actually, I think what you are referring to is not about reality per se, but about belief and perceptions about reality. For example, research has shown that if you tell someone over and over again that they are bad in something, they start to believe it. When they believe it, they stop trying because they believe that they will never be able to do it anyway, i.e. they’re not good enough so what’s the point.

This phenomenon becomes what is often labeled as internalized oppression, where people’s low self-esteem and self-worth actually dictates how they act and behave. People are ‘taught’ to believe that they are inferior, thus they perceive themselves to be so. This is how colonial nations often ruled their subjects, by convincing them that they were an inferior people, thus destroying their collective self-esteem and self-worth. Once someone believes that they are no good and inferior to another people, they will be passive and thus easily conquered.

The opposite is also true about the scenarios you have given in terms of someone telling themselves over and over again that they are good in something. So ‘reality’ here is how we perceive something, and it affects our perceptions. It doesn’t change reality per se, as reality is always reality, as Allah creates it and our goal as Muslims is to always be on that level of truth; dwelling in and being at peace with reality.

However, how we experience that reality is in many ways dictated by our personal and collective psychologies, as you have pointed out. What you are referring to, i.e. the use of positive reinforcement, does not change reality, but it affects our perception -- and ultimately our response -- to reality.

A person saying that they are good in math, for example, is not someone literally thinking that they are good in math even though the opposite may obviously be true. It’s a psychological tool to enhance their self-esteem, which will have the effect of encouraging them to strive harder and set higher expectations for themselves, and infusing them with the belief that they can be good in it. It’s positive reinforcement that is coming from within rather than from outside of us.

For example, if I get a 25 on my math exam and fail the exam, and then say I’m great in math, that’s idiotic and simply not true. Therefore, it’s not a question of whether it is ‘allowed’ in Islam, but whether it’s helpful to us and good for us.

However, someone constantly reassuring themselves that they are good in math in order to motivate them to work harder and to believe that they CAN be good in math is something completely different. That belief will affect how we see ourselves and our potential to succeed and motivate us to strive harder.

So, maybe after we fail the exam, we can still believe that we are good in math, for the sake of not quitting and believing that we can bounce back from whatever adversity we have faced. To me, it’s not a statement about reality, it’s a tool for inspiring motivation and perseverance.

Remember the hadith qudsi (taken from: hadithaday.org),

The Prophet (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) said, “Allah the Most High said, ‘I am as My servant thinks (expects) I am. I am with him when he mentions Me. If he mentions Me to himself, I mention him to Myself; and if he mentions Me in an assembly, I mention him in an assembly greater than it. If he draws near to Me a hand’s length, I draw near to him an arm’s length. And if he comes to Me walking, I go to him at speed.’”

Commentary:

The Scholars (may Allah have mercy upon them) commented on the above Hadith Qudsi, where the Prophet (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) said that Allah said, “I am as my slave expects Me to be”:

Ibn Hajar (may Allah have Mercy upon him) said: “meaning, I am able to do whatever he expects I will do.” [Fath al-Bari]

Imam Nawawi (may Allah have Mercy upon him) said: “The scholars say that expecting the best of Allah is to expect that He will have Mercy on him and relieve him of hardship.” [Sharh Sahih Muslim]

Imam Nawawi (may Allah have Mercy upon him) also said: “al-Qadi ‘Iyad said that this means He will forgive him if he seeks such, will accept his repentance if he repents, will answer him if he supplicates, and will suffice him if he asks for something. It is also said that it refers to having hope and longing for relief, and this is more correct.”  [Sharh Sahih Muslim]

Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allah have Mercy upon him) also said: “The more you have good expectations of your Lord and hope in Him, the more you will rely on and trust in Him. This is why some explained true reliance and trust to be having good expectations of Allah. In reality, having good expectations of Him leads to relying on and trusting in Him, as it is unthinkable that one can trust in someone that he has bad expectations of or no hope in, and Allah Knows best.” [Tahdhib Madarij as-Salikin]

He (may Allah have Mercy upon him) also said: “The one who hopes in Allah should always be optimistic, cautious, and hopeful in Allah’s bounty, expecting the best from Him.” [Tahdhib Madarij as-Salikin]

So you can see that Allah certainly encourages us to see things in a positive and hopeful manner. This means we should be positive because Allah is good and wants good for us.

And as our esteemed scholars point out with the above commentary, thinking positively and hopefully about Allah will lead to us believing/behaving in ways that are not only how Allah wants us to, but that will lead to success. In line with this, we should be positive and hopeful in all situations, and strive our hardest to succeed and do our best. If a psychological tool helps us do that then I think it’s good.

Lastly, I think too many Muslims are so pre-occupied with whether something is ‘acceptable’ or not which reflects our over-emphasis (especially in Malaysia where I also reside) on following rules (alone) at the expense of trying to understand our deen at a deeper level.

My advice to you is to seek understanding and knowledge about these very important and very interesting matters so that you too can help other Muslims understand them and get beyond the attempt to oversimplify everything. Don’t just stop at whether it’s ‘within the rule book’ so to speak.

Seek a deeper understanding – continue to pursue this area of Islamic psychology for the benefit of others. It’s a fascinating area that is unfortunately under-studied by Muslims, yet we have so much to offer.

With that, I must say that there is a lot more to this question that I am not qualified to get into. Those whose specialty is Islamic psychology/tasawwuf would be better able to give you a more complete answer. One such individual that I know in Malaysia is Prof. Malik Badri. You might want to look him up and ask him.

 

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