Jealousy rooted in psychology and biology, affects many relationships

As with all personal endeavors in life, relationships can sometimes reveal character flaws and bring out a side in people that they themselves do not like. Jealousy is an emotion common in couples and, often, it can be detrimental to the bond two people share with one another. Why do humans feel this particular emotion and why is it so hard to control?

Most people describe jealousy as an insanity-inducing emotion that makes them act as if they were not themselves, according to the article “Romantic Jealousy” by A.M. Pines and C.F. Bowes, originally published in “Psychology Today” in March 1992. The majority of jealous people hate the way they are acting. If that is the case, then why is this emotion so overpowering and difficult to control?

The article states that the mental reaction that occurs when jealousy strikes is actually a biological defense mechanism used to react to a perceived threat to a valued relationship. Essentially, the problem we encounter when pangs of jealous rage make their unwelcome way into our minds is rooted in the idea that we are afraid of losing something of meaning. Instinctively, people become defensive in order to protect the value of their commitment to another person or situation.

Most cultural psychologists agree that jealousy is natural for modern man because our jobs, relationships and material goods are hugely emphatic in our daily lives, according to Alia Hoyt in the article “How Jealousy Works” from howstuffworks.com. The extremity of jealousy, however, leads to irrational thoughts, behaviors and actions from those consumed by the feeling.

Ralph Hupka, professor emeritus of psychology at California State University-Long Beach, said jealousy is categorized as either “normal” or “abnormal,” according to the article. Normal jealousy is good. It means you are alive and care about something. Abnormal jealousy is deeply psychological and can ruin a person’s well-being. Hupka states that abnormal jealousy is a mental condition characterized by immaturity or extreme insecurity, which is the base of much romantic strife.

Brenda McDaniel, assistant professor of psychology, is currently researching information on the science of jealousy. Throughout her findings, McDaniel said the type of jealousy couples react most negatively toward is categorized as behavioral jealousy. This includes going through text messages, emails and personal effects.

“This type of jealousy seems to be related to insecure romantic attachment styles. It also signals a lack of trust in the partner which most partners do not like,” McDaniel said.

Rachael Gortowski, graduate student in veterinary medicine, agreed.

“I don’t think a little bit of jealousy would be a relationship-ender for me, because a small amount is natural for everyone,” Gortowski said. “But when it gets really bad, like following someone or checking emails, that isn’t healthy.”

Eliseo Arreola, junior in kinesiology, said the element of trust should outweigh the insecurity in a relationship.

“If you have total trust in your partner, there should be no need for it,” Arreola said. ”Being jealous of everything your partner does not show that you ‘just care’ for them or are looking out for them. It only makes the relationship tougher.”

Why is it, then, that even after a breakup when one or both partners swear they want nothing to do with each other do the signs of jealousy still appear? For the sake of this column, a good way of explaining this is to call it the “I don’t want him, but I don’t want her to have him” phenomenon. If there is no attachment any longer, why do people still get angry when they see their ex with a new partner?

“This feeling is most likely rooted in a bruised ego,” McDaniel said. “It likely comes from pride, self-esteem and pain, or rejection.”

McDaniel said an example of someone angry at their ex would have the mental outlook of, “I am a great catch and no one could possible compare to me,” which makes the jealousy more related to an internal struggle.

Although jealousy and attachment styles vary for everyone, one thing is clear: a little bit of this emotion goes a long way and the only way to avoid irrational thought is to take control of your state of mental well-being.

“A key [to change] is that the person actually sees these emotions as a problem,” McDaniel said. “Often these behaviors are justified by the individual and can be very hard to change.”

But there is hope. Controlling jealousy is just as difficult as harnessing any other strong emotion, but with time, patience and awareness, an individual can learn to moderate themselves and build personal security.

Jillian Aramowicz is a senior in advertising. Please send comments to edge@kstatecollegian.com.


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