Lorna Clutterham was thrown off kilter when her long-awaited first baby was born. Why was the Ladner mom feeling so bad?
For some reason, the birth of Lorna’s son was bringing back wrenching memories of her strict Mennonite childhood in Manitoba.
Her mother had died young, as had two sisters. Lorna had been physically abused by her father, and sexually abused by her grandfather.
By most measures, the 46-year-old psychiatric nurse has had a difficult life.
But Lorna had been handling the ups and down, until her child was born.
“It was ‘Oh goodness, what have I done?’” Since she works in a helping profession, Lorna chose to return to therapy after the birth. “I released a lot of sadness and rage from my childhood.”
She emerged – again, as she had been so many other times in her life – happy.
While many might be thrown into wrenching anger or deathly depression, Lorna not only rediscovered her equilibrium, she found long-term well-being.
What is it about Lorna that she can find satisfaction despite tough times?
Over the next four days, we’ll explore the ways Lorna’s life – and those of many others – reflects the latest scientific, psychological, economic, philosophical and spiritual insights into what makes us happy.
Searching for a cause
A lot of us make fun of people who want to be “happy.” How naive. The power-of-positive-thinking movement was discredited decades ago.
And the self-help industry still churns out the promise of happiness every day – for just the $19.95 cost of its simplistic books.
But happiness – authentic happiness, the kind that goes way beyond having “fun” at a party – is making a comeback. Happiness is being taken seriously.
Not only are researchers delving into the happiness of individuals, the happiness quotient of entire nations is being measured.
There is a growing sense that happiness – also called “life satisfaction,” “subjective well-being” or “enjoyment” – is one of humanity’s biggest issues.
That’s the way it was millennia ago among philosophers and spiritual teachers like Aristotle, Jesus and Buddha. While recognizing suffering was everywhere, they offered ways to rise above it.
Yet countless people who have experienced life’s hammer blows, who have felt injustice or struggled through battering times, are not able to lift themselves out of despair.
Anti-depressant medications are ingested by millions of North Americans. Anxiety is pervasive. Closer to home, the Vancouver Foundation released a recent poll revealing many Metro residents are feeling lonely.
In a city with some of the highest real estate prices in North America, almost half of respondents said their lives are “difficult” or that they’re “only getting by.” Young adults in British Columbia, in particular, feel financially squeezed.
And this doesn’t even touch on widespread global fears of climate change, natural disasters, terrorism or war.
When anxiety is in the air, and finances are thin, what makes happiness achievable?
For most of the 21st century, psychological researchers devoted roughly 95 per cent of their energy to exploring pathology, or what is sick about people.
But in the past dozen years, many are diving into “positive psychology” – how to help average people flourish. And the University of B.C.’s Elizabeth Dunn is a leader in the field.
The $75,000 answer
Dunn’s web home page does not opt for typical academic sterility.
The website of UBC social psychologist Elizabeth Dunn features her smiling face hanging out the window of a fast-moving car, like a happy puppy. “I believe in prioritizing happiness. It’s better to be fixated on happiness than, say, money.”
A leader in the field of positive psychology, Dunn is attracting international attention for her research into money and happiness – particularly her finding that happiness levels do not increase once a North American household earns $75,000 a year.
Why the upsurge in research into individual and social wellbeing?
“People assumed happiness can’t be studied scientifically. They’ve now realized it can be studied and forecasted,” says Dunn, 34, who studied at Harvard with pioneers in the field, including Dan Gilbert, author of Stumbling on Happiness.
As happiness researchers agree, Dunn says it’s important to have at least a modest income. Unfortunately, many Metro Vancouver young-adult households are only at $68,000; below Dunn’s $75,000 threshold.
But the other side of the story, Dunn suggests, is that too many economists, businessmen, politicians and marketers have exaggerated the benefits of financial prosperity.
They have ignored the downside to affluence, which often includes obesity, addiction and feelings of emptiness.
In regards to the struggles of people like Lorna Clutterham, Dunn said people have often assumed tragedies – like abuse, losing homes or limbs – will prove devastating.
But that’s not always the case. “People are stronger and more resilient than they think.”
People bounce back from the worst setbacks, Dunn says. “We underestimate our capacity to cope.”
That said, happiness also has something to do with luck. Boston-raised Dunn acknowledges in her personal life she’s had a “really easy time of it.”
For those who don’t believe catastrophe-free existence is possible, Dunn cites studies suggesting eight per cent of North Americans have experienced “zero adverse effects” in their lives.
Still, seven years after arriving at UBC, Dunn has experienced her own challenges.
She struggled in previous years when her “awesome” husband-to-be decided to spend much of one year doing aid work in Africa.
But she wasn’t undone by his long absence. Indeed, her research has discovered some “adversity” in life is beneficial to long-term happiness, especially if it comes in the early years of a relationship.
Like others, Dunn believes happiness arises out of a combination of factors. They include natural-born temperament, external life conditions that result from chance and planning, and the inner discipline to develop virtues conducive to contentment.
In addition – unlike some philosophers, religious teachers and austere moralists – Dunn is not down on simple pleasures like food, wine, sex, or whatever.
Elizabeth Dunn, who is earning an international reputation, believes happiness arises out of a combination of factors — including natural-born temperament, external life conditions that result from chance and planning, and the inner discipline to develop virtues conducive to contentment.
“In real life, pleasure and meaning go together very strongly,” she says. “How you feel influences your sense of meaning. Positive mood helps you see the bigger picture.”
Lorna’s path to happiness
For Lorna Clutterham and most of us, happiness is not an academic project. It’s a gritty quest.
The trials of the mother of two illustrate key things researchers are discovering about happiness.
Financial security is one condition of happiness. Lorna and her husband, David, who is a lumber trader, both have interesting careers that provide decent pay and security. Lorna appreciates being able to work only four days a week.
Like Dunn, Lorna is also not dismissive about the fundamental pleasures of food, drink and the rest.
She and David love sensual delights.
“There’s nothing like food and a good bottle of wine. But they don’t last forever. They are nice, but they don’t bring you happiness.”
Indeed, Lorna realizes food, alcohol and relative affluence can be dangerously addictive – which is why she’s lost 63 pounds in the past year. “I feel cuter.”
While some may dismiss music as even more evanescent than a good meal, Lorna recognizes melody and rhythm have restored her since childhood.
“Music has always brought me happiness. I feel joy rising. I feel revitalized by it.”
The power of music has also brought Lorna into various circles of friends, most recently her community choir in South Delta.
And relationships, psychologists agree, are among the most important factors that keep arising as a contributor to happiness.
Although there have been many times when Lorna has felt alone – an “outsider” from a Manitoba family that “fizzled out” – she has built up a network of friends.
On top of her hard-earned happiness, Lorna also believes her life has meaning. No small thing.
A founder of positive psychology, Martin Seligman, says a “meaningful life” is more important than a “pleasant life,” which to him includes relationships and interests.
Although some researchers point out Seligman’s theory has not been proven, Lorna is convinced her psychiatric nursing job is her “calling.”
“It’s what I wanted to do. It feels as if I have a purpose.”
Another way positive psychology emphasizes people can enhance life satisfaction is through spirituality, which Lorna has re-engaged with since 2003. She and her family now attend Sacred Heart Catholic Church in Ladner.
And even though Lorna has trouble with Vatican teachings against homosexuality and abortion, she says the friendly congregation generally “feels right.”
“I missed church. I felt I was missing a really deep connection. I love God, and I really feel I have a personal relationship.”
Since she works as a therapist with individuals and groups at Richmond Hospital, Lorna has always thought she should practice what she teaches.
To that end, she has learned to be “realistic” about her strengths and weaknesses – as she endeavours to replace “the ugly with the good.”
Perhaps it is not a surprise that Lorna links her happiness in part to her capacity to forgive.
In Seligman’s book, Character Strengths and Virtues, forgiveness is cited as crucial – and learnable.
While some of Lorna’s siblings remain bitter about their troubled upbringing, she has discovered the virtue of forgiving herself (for occasionally screaming at her children, for instance) while forgiving those who abused her as a little girl.
Working on the ways she could develop her character to be happy, she has come to recognize the abuse she suffered stemmed in part from her grandfather and father themselves being abused.
“I can’t go on hating these people, because they hated themselves enough. I realized what’s done is done and I wanted to forgive. I felt some contentment.”
Echoing wisdom of the ages, Lorna concludes: “I think, in the end, happiness mostly comes from within. “
Happiness in Difficult Times – A four-part series
TODAY: The recent move toward ‘positive psychology’ – how to help people flourish – counters the past practice of concentrating on what is ‘wrong’ with us.
PART 2: Economists are realizing there are better barometers of national well-being than measuring marketplace activity through the Gross Domestic Product. Now we can rank how ‘happy’ a nation’s citizens are.
PART 3: On a continent where spirituality is undergoing a revival, it’s no coincidence philosophers and spiritual thinkers are again focusing on happiness. Are we re-converging on questions that relate to the art of living?
PART 4: Some noted B.C. writers offer their intimate reflections on happiness, and I sum up what I’ve learned.
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