They met during a clinical psychology internship 37 years ago. “He was sitting across from me and I thought — he’s cute!” Phyllis Koch-Sheras recalled with a smile.

On their first date, “He made me spaghetti with clam sauce and then played the guitar. He had me on the clam sauce, but that guitar ...” Phyllis was smitten. So was Peter.

Thirty-five years happily married, the sparks are still flying for the Sherases.

At a time when divorce rates are high and celebrity marriages can end in just days, the Sherases’ focus on commitment has earned them worldwide recognition helping other couples attain the same longevity and joy.

The Sherases are respected, sought-after psychologists and authors. They work not just with marriages, but also helping people improve community and family relationships. Peter, for example, helps parents raising teenagers.

“They aren’t takers. They are givers,” said family friend Susan Payne. “On a local level they have been generous with their time and talent in this community by doing work with public schools and donating time to support causes they care about.”

The Sherases find satisfaction in devoting themselves to sustaining others. “I think the most important contribution I can make in this world is to help people connect with each other through supportive, loving acts and creative expression,” Phyllis said.

The Sherases have written numerous books, the latest being “Lifelong Love: Four Steps to Creating and Maintaining an Extraordinary Relationship,” which will be released this summer.

Peter Sheras said strong relationships are all about commitment.

In a marriage, he explained, ”The relationship should be an oasis of recharging and empowerment. We have a very individualist culture. Many people ask, ‘Is the relationship going to meet my needs?’ instead of, ‘What is possible if we face the world together?’” He said reinforcing the best in each other is empowering, not only for marriages, but for families with children and even businesses. “Organizations do best when people are committed.”

More information about the Sherases’ formula for successful relationships can be found on their Couple Power website: www.couplepower.com.

Charlottesville psychologist Sherry Kraft became friends with Peter and Phyllis when she was in the same California psychology internship where the Sherases first met.

“Many psychologists tend to stick to their own business, but Peter and Phyllis have, for many years, been advocates for the profession of psychology at the state and national levels,” Kraft said. “Peter received national recognition for his advocacy by the American Psychological Association. This kind of work is often quite invisible to the general public but results in legislative advances such as the Mental Health Parity Act, which recognizes that mental and emotional disorders merit appropriate treatment in the same way as other medical disorders.”

Peter is especially fulfilled by the work he does to help prevent bullying.

“The work I have done in the Curry School of Education, in my practice, as part of the Virginia Youth Violence Project and with local legislators has brought increasing attention to the problems of bullying and all forms of violence in schools,” he said. “We have been able to develop programs and intervention methods that have reduced the rates of bullying and increased public awareness that bullying is everyone’s problem. It influences how children grow up and how successful and healthy they become.”

The achievement they’re most proud of — both say — is their own family. Said Phyllis, ”This is not to diminish getting a doctorate, but the community of family is so enriching. That Peter and I can raise the family as a team is rewarding. We have a great time together. Now my son and daughter are continuing on with their own families and making a positive difference in the world.”

It’s clear the couple cares deeply about one another. Peter shared a secret to their success: “Perhaps the most important [thing] is a good sense of humor and playfulness. Also, the ability to be flexible. A relationship is like a garden that needs to be continually cultivated.”

No matter what the future holds, the Charlottesville couple plans to continue to counsel others.

“That’s what human beings are designed for — to do positive,” Peter said. “What’s important is our caring, loyalty and character. I love what I’m doing because it’s making a difference. If you love what you’re doing, it is joy.”