Don’t give up on sex

Hyderabad: American psychologist and sex therapist Dr Barry McCarthy talks to Amruta Paul on how sex in marriage is important for bonding and for mental and physical well being.

When sexuality goes well in people’s lives, relationships and marriage, it plays a role in energising their bond, allowing them to feel desire and desirable, says American psychologist, marriage and sex therapist Dr Barry McCarthy, who was in town to conduct a workshop on “Rekindling Sexual Desires’, on the first day of the 29th National Conference on Sexology.

Pointing out that sex problems needn’t alw-ays be medical issues, Dr McCarthy adds, “In India, sexual problems are considered to be medical problems which need to be treated with medication. In the West we see it as a bio-psycho-social problem where you have to look at the biological, psychological, relational and cultural factors.”

“Indian culture is dramatically changing, but traditionally there has been a male-female double standard in India. There has also been a tendency not to talk about sex, so sex becomes a shameful secret,” adds Dr McCarthy.

He points out that considering the lack of privacy in most Indian households. People have got to find ways where they can be a couple, not just a sexual couple, he says.

“What happens in way too many families is that rather than having sex together, they split sex, where people value their marriage and value their kids and their extended family but in their sex life, especially males are caught up in masturbation, porn, affairs or paid-sex,” he said.

With an experience of 45 years, the doctor feels that people shouldn’t give up on sex, “There is actual science that says sex is good for people in their 50s 60s and 70s. Not just good in terms of bonding, but actually good for the mental and physical health. And it’s certainly true that when the couple gives up on sex it is always the man’s decision because he has lost his comfort and confidence or he is embarrassed.”

Appreciating the fact that Indians are able to work out their marriages, the psychologist said, “One of the greater advantages of the Indian culture is stable marriages, but the challenge for them is to have satisfying sexual marriages.”

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