Twelve-step programs, although not religious in nature, use the words God and Higher Power (as you understand it) throughout the commonly read books such as “The Big Book” and “The Twelve Steps and the Twelve Traditions.” This tends to scare some people who want to recover but don’t have any spiritual leanings into thinking they can’t participate. In fact, according to the literature, there’s plenty of room and a broad spectrum of beliefs, from atheism to deeply held Christianity and everything in between. Apparently any and all can find a way to this “higher power” if they keep an open mind.

Another language problem seems to come up around words and concepts in the first step of the 12-step recovery program: “We admitted we were powerless over alcohol – that our lives had become unmanageable.” The word “powerless,” in particular, seems to rub people the wrong way. They often say, “Powerless makes it sound like I’m hopeless and that I can’t do anything about it.” This is where psychology and the spiritual solution seem to part ways.

Psychology would help to find the emotional basis for the need to drink – insecurity, trauma, stress, grief, etc. – while the spiritual solution would suggest surrender, admitting defeat. People commonly say, “I can stop drinking. I don’t drink every day so I’m not that bad. … I’m not powerless.” The truth, however, is more in the results of the drinking than the drinking itself.

Take the man who binge drinks eight or 10 times a year and has two DUIs, a family in shambles, a string of broken promises and a gnawing sensation his life is spinning out of control. Yet he goes long periods without drinking. Take the person who “only drinks wine” or the person who uses his wife to “manage his drinks.” These are all examples of people who, in the attempt to control or manage their drinking, demonstrate their powerlessness.

Admitting powerlessness actually takes great strength. Pride generally will kill more alcoholics than anything else. Some will say drinking too much is certainly a bad habit, but if one really wanted to they could suck it up and quit. Those who do are probably not candidates for 12-step programs, since most members have tried unsuccessfully, sometimes for years, to “suck it up” and ended up in bigger messes. These messes are the operational definition of the term “unmanageable,” which is the second term many people struggle with in the first step.