Youth sports remain a great place to learn life skills. Children who play sports have a great opportunity to learn how to set goals, manage their emotions, work with teammates, handle adversity, and celebrate success. What we know, though, is that just throwing a uniform on a child does not guarantee that he/she will have a positive experience and learn these life skills. Although youth sports can be a great opportunity for a child, participating in them can also lead to hurtful memories and experiences. 

With that in mind, as the winter sports season gets ready to start, parents often ask me, “How do I know whether a team is a good fit for my child?” In my opinion, there are several factors to take into account to answer that question. First, is the child emotionally ready for the level of competition that the team represents? By that I mean, does the child have the required coping skills to deal with the expectations of coaches and teammates? Does the child have the maturity to handle the frustration and stress that can come along from playing at that level? How will the child react if he or she doesn’t play, is given limited playing time, or has to play a new role? Just because your son or daughter may be physically ready to play on a certain team does not necessarily mean that he or she is emotionally ready to play for this team. 

Also, I suggest that parents assess whether the personality of the coach is a good match for the child’s personality. Some coaches are more structured by nature, while others tend to communicate in a more stern manner. Some coaches reward effort, participation, and skill development, while others are more concerned with winning and losing.  Although parents need to learn how to respect the coach’s style in the same way that they do a teacher’s style in school, parents should try to place their child with a coach whose style works best for their child’s personality. 

It is important that parents understand the signs that children give them that indicate that the child is experiencing too high a level of competitive stress in a youth sport activity. Some children are able to directly verbalize that the sports activity is not good for them. Most children, however, will communicate these feelings in an indirect way.  Some of the signs that children demonstrate include:

• The child undergoes marked personality changes before a competition. This would be the reserved child who all of the sudden is hyper, or the outgoing child who all of the sudden becomes very withdrawn.
• Does the child consistently perform better in a practice situation than in a competitive game situation? 
• Is there a pattern where you as a parent have to force your child to attend a practice or a game?
• Is there a pattern where your child shows significantly less enthusiasm for the sports activity now than he or she did before?
• Does the child consistently claim to be injured even though there is no medical evidence to support this? Although one should always take the expression of injury seriously, injury remains the most socially acceptable way to opt out of competition.