I have a dog. Well, it’s technically a dog, but because of my allergenic gene pool it has to be a special hypo-allergenic dog. Thus Banjo really looks like a small black mop head with wool instead of fur.

Banjo will roll over, jump and sit on command. He won’t, on the other hand, do anything I actually want him to do – like stop barking at birds, give me socks he’s picked up or even give the ball back after I’ve thrown it for him. I’d like to say he’s an idiot, but it’s more likely I’m just poorer at applying the principles of psychology than I am at talking and writing ...

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