HYDERABAD: In Jayesh’s own words After completing my graduation from Lucknow in my home town, I decided to move to Delhi. I took admission in the PG course in Delhi University in Psychology. Psychology was a popular course among girls, and my class of 60 had close to 80 per cent girls. I found the Delhi girls to be very different from those in Lucknow–more aggressive and in your face. I mostly kept to myself, working hard on my studies and also spending time to explore the fascinating city. The two-year course was divided into four semesters.

A look back at their love from the beginning

Being good at studies, working hard and also quite liking the subject, I found that I had topped in the first semester. The second rank went to a girl called Ruchi. I knew she was in the class, but hadn’t noticed anything special about her till then. A few days after the results were announced, our paths crossed in the corridor outside the classrooms. She congratulated me first, and I did the same. I noticed that she was quite petite, cute and soft-spoken, much unlike the other girls in my class. And the fact that she got the second rank also indicated that she was more or less of my caliber intellectually. I began to take notice of her more and more.

Their First Conversation

As days went by, my group of friends in the class started expanding, and to my relief, many of the girls in that circle were friends of Ruchi too – so she also got into the group naturally. As a group, we used to hang out and go for outings quite frequently. As a part of the course, in our third semester I remember, the class went to Modi Industries in the outskirts of Delhi for our industrial study. My uncle was a senior executive in the company, and I took the entire class to his house in the evening. It was there for the first time that I suggested to Ruchi that something could be going for us. My aunt was in the kitchen preparing tea, and I told Ruchi in front of everyone to go and help her in the kitchen!

After finishing my PG, I got selected into IIM Calcutta. Ruchi remained in Delhi to pursue a PhD in Psychology. From Kolkata also, I continued to remain in touch with Ruchi – mostly through letters, and very occasionally through phone. Whenever I would get holidays in Calcutta, I would come over to Delhi and make it a point to spend as much time as possible with Ruchi. We had been to each other’s homes on many occasions and had got introduced to the parents quite cordially. While in Calcutta, I appeared in the IAS exams and got selected in the very first attempt. In the North, getting into the IAS elevates your status rather abnormally! You become much in demand in the marriage market, and potentially can command a huge dowry! Many people contacted my parents too with marriage proposals.

The Union

To be fair to Ruchi, she did tell me that now that I was in the IAS, I was free to select anyone else, possibly a girl from the IAS. I had no such intention at all, and found the whole idea of forsaking someone whom you had dated and considered marrying just because your social position has changed to be rather unprincipled. My mother also knew quite well that I was keen on Ruchi. Finally Ruchi’s parents came formally to my house and my parents had no hesitation in accepting the proposal.  Incidentally, my mother also told me that if I had any thoughts of demanding even a rupee dowry, they would not attend my wedding. So finally, after knowing Ruchi for over five years, our marriage took place in Lucknow in a very tasteful ceremony.   

Beautiful Memories

It is now over 20 years of being married to Ruchi. She had a promising career as a lecturer in Delhi University, which had to be curtailed after her relocation to AP. Most of my earlier postings were in mofussil towns, where the opportunities to have a full-fledged career for Ruchi weren’t there at all. I really appreciate the sacrifice that she has made in giving up her city life and her career to stay with me. We now have a daughter, Ishika, who is 10 years old and studies in fifth grade in Vidyaranya School. In a way, a major part of our lives revolve around her. Both of us prioritise our own activities in such a way that Ishika is included in them and enjoys them. Since the last many years, both of our parents live with us. Though we lost our fathers in quick succession, our mothers are with us, and their presence with us brings a common sense of responsibility and joy for the two of us.

The journey together has had its ups and downs, but we have learnt to admire the good qualities in one another, accommodate the preferences of the other, and respect the other’s personal space. I guess this is the ideal recipe for a marital relationship to flourish.