Ladies, when you are attracted to a man, do you find yourself overlooking every little error? Do you find all his actions and gestures romantic even when in real sense they're not? Isn't it sad when he constantly forgets important dates and you perpetually justify his mistakes?

Well, here's the reality – the only difference between his actions being romantic and selfish is how attractive you find him. That's the norm in modern dating. This is quite sad because, guys, if a woman doesn't find you attractive, even if you go to the sky and bring back a star, she will yawn at the gesture.

Take a look at this scenario.

Cliff has been in love with Emily for about two years now. He has always confessed his love for her but she has had her eye on Derrick for sometime now. Derrick has what Emily pictures as perfect-great looks, an amazing job, his own house at Kitengela and a car – but she can't seem to see what we see, he is painfully selfish. Cliff saved up for Emily's birthday and bought her an expensive phone she was crazy about. On her birthday, he only asked for five minutes to give her the gift. Emily wasn't that excited about it but she went anyway. When he gave her the gift, she just smiled and said: “I changed my preference, but thank you.” Cliff was heartbroken but satisfied he made her day a bit special. Derrick on the other hand forgot her birthday but Emily didn't mind the belated lunch at a fast food restaurant. In fact she found it romantic.

This love triangle shows how Cliff has invested so much in Emily – his time, money, emotional attachment – letting her go gets really hard. The same is experienced by Emily towards Derrick, she loves him to a point she can't pay attention to Cliff who clearly cares more than Derrick ever will.

Here's my two cents: Ladies go as far as to ignore the unfair treatment they receive from someone they love. That's the bitter reality in modern dating. All this depends on how much you have invested in a relationship.

Here's another scenario: Before my friend Abigael realised she was being manipulated, everyone who got close to her man was the devil. He used to openly flirt even at social gatherings where everyone would notice but her. She had knowledge that he has had affairs with her close friends but she still sticks with him. She blames herself for 'not trying hard enough'.

In her case, things can go two ways. On one hand, she may choose to live in denial that her man is unfaithful; he will most definitely manipulate her till kingdom come. In such a case, she loses friends and will dedicate her precious time to him. On the other hand, she could reach a point where she can't take it anymore and leave him but have a totally new perspective about men which would scar her for life. It will be difficult keeping her relationships stable herein.

You can also choose to live like Constance. She stayed single until she found a man whom she was crazy about but only in his absence. She would never show him how deep her affection was and she never settled for less than what she was giving. She had set out rules on how she should be treated, and now they are happily married.

Ever heard ladies being encouraged to love with their minds instead of their hearts? That's basically it. When you love with your mind, you will definitely be able to tell when you are getting less than you bargained for. Best of luck learning the art.