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Friday, August 24, 2012

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• Selling yourself to the lowest bidder

By Gwen Randall-Young Psychology for Living

Posted 13 hours ago

Why is it that girls or women sometimes stick with guys that are bad for them? Family members or even best friends see the relationship is not healthy. Everyone knows she deserves better. On some level, she does too — but still, she stays.

She will say it is because she loves him. In truth, she is afraid. She is afraid to let him go, because the moments that are good may be very good. She goes into denial about the bad, and magnifies the good. That is the part she wants, so she fools herself into thinking he will change. She is afraid she may not find someone else.

This is a manifestation of low self-esteem. However, an unhealthy relationship will lower self-esteem even more. Better a bad thing, than nothing, she reasons. Wise women will tell you it is better to be alone, than to be with someone who is not there for you. Staying in a bad relationship is like selling yourself to the lowest bidder. If you do that, you will not be available to someone who sees your true value. And before that can happen, you must value yourself. Sometimes that means taking yourself away.

If you have spent time in a bad relationship, the best thing you can do is not to start looking for a better one, but to be alone for a while, and establish a strong relationship with yourself. Be good to yourself, honour yourself, really get to know and appreciate who you are in your own right.

Vow to distance yourself from anyone who will not do the same for you.

Gwen Randall-Young is an author and award-winning Psychotherapist. For permission to reprint this column, or to obtain books or CDs, visit www.gwen.ca.

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