We do not, typically, hear about boundaries when it comes to families. Sure, we discuss the importance of the nature of the relationship between parents and their children, but it is not often that we take our discussions much farther.

I was sitting in a busy restaurant the other day, people-watching, as usual, when I saw a mother sitting with her teenage son. While I certainly could not hear their conversation, I did spot the teen digging through his mother's purse. Of course, I have no idea what he was looking for or if he even had permission to be searching the contents. However, this brought to mind similar occurrences seen in my office where children — including teenagers — look through the belongings of their parent without question or permission.

When did this become acceptable? When did it become OK for a child to look through their mother's purse or the father's wallet? As I was pondering these questions, my memories expanded to include stories from parents who tell me about their children entering and utilizing the parents' bedroom as though it was their own. Since when did being a parent mean that you have to forego all privacy?

It is acceptable to expect the loss of SOME privacy when you have children. Certainly there are situations where your child is granted entrance into personal activities that would be off limits to anyone else. Just ask the mother who takes her 1-year-old to the mall and has to use the restroom before she can return home. Some privacy disappears when you are a parent.

However, having a child should not mean that "what is yours, is theirs" because as any child will tell you, "what is theirs is theirs." Children, especially teenagers, expect privacy. They expect to be able to go into their room and have a level of privacy, where they can relax and not worry about being intruded upon. Yet, this same level of respect is not extended to the parent. Worst of all, the parents seem to accept it!

At a basic level, this comes down to respect. Respecting others' privacy. Respecting others' belongings. Respecting others' personal space. I encourage parents to have their own space. I believe it is OK that a parent does not allow their children full access to the parents' room. I think it is perfectly acceptable for a parent to refuse a child access to their personal belongings.

What does restricting access teach your child?

Most importantly, it teaches them that other people are just as important as they are. Moreover, it teaches them that wanting something does not mean they will get it. This is a critical life lesson. Imagine what will happen to the teenager who does not learn proper boundaries and goes to college thinking they can go through his roommate's belongings. Short story is it will not turn out well.

So start now. Teach your children there are some boundaries they cannot cross, at least not without permission. They may be frustrated today, but they will certainly benefit from it later.

[ Dr. Berney is a licensed psychologist with Psychological Associates of Central Florida in Lakeland. Dr. Berney is the co-author of "Handbook for Raising an Emotionally Healthy Child." ]