Don't you hate all those pieces in the media this time of year telling us to make "resolutions" and all that blah, blah, blah about self-improvement? Like the old Saturday Night Live character, Roseanne Roseannadanna used to say, "What are ya tryin' to do, make me sick?!" After all, resolutions sometimes seem like a set-up for failure as we generally idealize how we would like to be and then when we then have trouble reaching the goal it leads to disappointment and a greater entrenchment of the problem.
The problem for most of us is that when we impulsively set idealized goals we are usually not realistic about them. We also don't plan how we would actually reach them by defining the "action steps" that we need to take to get there. New Year's resolutions also don't usually involve thought about the methodology we need for monitoring and reinforcing the increments of progress that we make- all of which essentially dooms the project for failure before we have even started.
Setting an unrealistic goal and not reaching it is more than just disappointing. Failing to reach a poorly defined goal is an exercise in futility and reinforces our sense of helplessness. This leads us in the direction of "giving up" in our efforts for self-improvement. In reality, the whole exercise of poorly planned, idealized resolutions is self-defeating.
In recognition of this, Oscar Wilde once said, "Resolutions are like checks drawn on a bank where we have no account". This ultimately stands in support of another old saying that, "Success is what happens when preparation meets opportunity". Both of these pearls of wisdom have bearing on the effectiveness of any self-improvement effort you may want to engage in, no matter what time of the year it is.
Psychology has long studied the ingredients of successful self-management and goal setting and has been able to define what works and what doesn't. In fact, the bed-rock of psychology is to understand how people can change for the better rather than continue to engage in the same old, tired, self-defeating behaviors.
It's almost Christmas Eve, and you can feel the excitement building for the many families and children who enjoy one of the biggest holidays of the year. Christmas Eve is recognized around the world and celebrated both for its religious meaning commemorating the birth of Christ and for its fun...
It's almost Christmas Eve, and you can feel the excitement building for the many families and children who enjoy one of the biggest holidays of the year. Christmas Eve is recognized around the world and celebrated both for its religious meaning commemorating the birth of Christ and for its fun...
(Scott Smith)
As outlined in the many books on successful self-management the key ingredients for positive change are: 1) developing a realistic and measurable goal based upon factual data; 2) setting a realistic time-frame in which to achieve the desired goal; 3) identifying the actual behaviors or "action steps" that must be taken to move towards the goal; 4) creating a system where progress towards the goal is measured and monitored and finally, 5) instituting a reward system that reinforces not only the completion of the goal but the incremental steps in getting there.
The most common desire at this time of year is to "get into better shape", so we can use this as an example. This is just an example but the approach can be applied to any goal. So, if we desire to lose weight and get into shape we need to research what a realistic goal weight would be (step 1). Let's say we determine that it we need to lose about 20 pounds. We then need to research and estimate how long it would reasonably take to lose that amount of weight (step 2). Most programs realistically estimate 2 pound of weight loss per week is healthy, so we might set our goal for approximately ten weeks out from our start date.
With Chanukah already under way and Christmas in less than fifteen days, soon to be followed by New Year's we are now squarely in the holiday season. Family get-togethers, office parties and open-houses have already begun. For many people this time of year can be a wonderful, spirited and enjoyable...
With Chanukah already under way and Christmas in less than fifteen days, soon to be followed by New Year's we are now squarely in the holiday season. Family get-togethers, office parties and open-houses have already begun. For many people this time of year can be a wonderful, spirited and enjoyable...
(Scott Smith)
The next step would be to define how we could approach our weight loss in a healthy and consistent manner and would likely find that we need to combine greater attentiveness to our calorie intake and greater effort at calorie expenditure. So we would research dietary and exercise approaches (Fitness for Life, Atkins, South Beach, Paleo, Weight Watchers etc.) and choose a pre-fabricated one, or create one that fits our lifestyle the best (step 3).
It is critically important at this point to design a system for monitoring and rewarding our progress (steps 4 and 5) so we decide to weigh ourselves every day at the same time and to write down our weight on the calendar or chart we have created specifically for this purpose. We also decide to keep a food and exercise diary where we write down all of the food that we have consumed each day and their approximate caloric value and record how long we exercised and the approximate calories burned. We also decide to reward ourselves weekly with "cruise points" for each pound lost with the goal of accruing enough points to take a cruise sometime soon after the ten week period when the goal has been reached.
Admittedly, this is all much more complicated than simply imagining how you would want to be and making a resolution to become that. The difference is that this approach works whereas wishful thinking alone is a waste of time. Many people find it beneficial and useful to enlist a professional or psychologist to help them through this process. Many of the goals we may want to work on are actually covered by health insurance because they are health related issues. Most insurance programs cover smoking cessation, drug and alcohol treatment, weight loss, along with treatment of the many symptoms involving unhappiness, fear and anxiety that lead us to feel stuck in an unfulfilling or self-defeating life position.
In the iconic 80's fighter jet movie, "Top Gun"-you know, the one with the theme song "Danger Zone" by Kenny Loggins- the commanding officer tells an overconfident and brash pilot named Maverick (played by Tom Cruise), "Son, your ego is writing checks your body can't cash". Don't be like Maverick! So this year set goals that you can reach by being realistic about them, planning your action steps and monitoring your progress! That way, you will be more likely to meet your goals and to be flying high through 2016 and beyond!
Scott E. Smith, Ph.D. is a licensed psychologist with Spectrum Behavioral Health in Arnold, Annapolis and Crofton MD. To contact Dr. Smith, please call 410-757-2077 or write him at 1509 Suite F, Ritchie Hwy., Arnold, MD. 21012