Sigmund Freud invented so many words that it’s almost possible to construct entire sentences using his words alone…

It’s cathartic to cure our repressed neurotic behaviours with denial of our libido. The addition of anal would not be a Freudian slip but rather a description of a personality. We’ll steer well clear of Oedipus and move on to Carl Jung.

Jung was best friends forever with Freud until he had a dream that wasn’t of a sexual nature. Sticking with psychoanalytical philosophers, but straying from household names, let’s talk about Soren Kierkegaard.

Soreen is a deliciously squidgy malt loaf from Manchester. Soren was a philosopher from Denmark. What a difference an E makes.

Kierkegaard’s most notable works – Fear and Trembling – is about theology and philosophy. Written using the pseudonym John of the Silence, some consider it to be autobiographical. We consider it to be quite boring.

Our interest in Kierkegaard stems from the fact that his self-indulgent musings were fuelled by his love affair with coffee. He was renowned for his fondness for parables, irony, metaphor and coffee, and he once wrote: “At any rate, I prize coffee.”

What a clever chap. We’ll just give you a moment to process those profoundly meaningful words (his or ours – there’s not much in it).

Kierkegaard had 50 coffee cups and every time Kierkegaard fancied a brew, his secretary was tasked with choosing a cup. Once he’d made his selection, he would then be required to provide Kierkegaard with a valid philosophical reason for his choice.

When he was satisfied that his secretary had chosen a cup based on his resentment towards his mother, he would create a pyramid of sugar in the cup, the peak of which would protrude above the rim. Onto this white mountain, Kierkegaard would pour his black coffee.

Now this was all in the 1800s, so well before dentistry, nutritionists and common sense, but that’s still a man with some serious issues.

We wouldn’t recommend the sugar mountain, and the Sophie’s Choice cup thing would never not be awkward, but we thought it was worth sharing with you. Now, how do you feel about that?