A new oral sex study examined why men service women in such a manner in bed, and if you don’t take it with a grain of salt, the results aren’t very sexy at all — essentially, like all the old tired ideas, it’s framed as a totally selfish maneuver.

The oral sex study was published in the Journal of Evolutionary Psychology – a somewhat controversial area of behavioral study recently made newsworthy by a “fat shaming” tweet sent by an expert in the field last month.

The “evo psych” professor, Geoffrey Miller, later apologized for stating that fat students were poor candidates for PhD programs, saying:

“My sincere apologies to all for that idiotic, impulsive, and badly judged tweet. It does not reflect my true views, values, or standards.”

From the same body of research in which Miller is steeped comes the new oral sex research, explaining reasons why men may decide to go down on a mate in the context of mating and reproduction.

The researchers, from Oakland University in Rochester, Michigan, polled 243 adult men in heterosexual relationships to explain why on Earth a male partner may want to orally pleasure the woman he loves — and came to the conclusion that “because they enjoy it” or “because they want to make someone selflessly happy” did not rate as potential reasons.

According to the research, male on female oral sex exists mainly as a “mate retention strategy,” suggesting  that the sole purpose is to bribe a woman into fidelity, and dissuade her from seeking other mates.

In a second, shocking development, the Daily Mail actually asks a relevant question in examining why oral sex in the reverse is not considered a similar mystery — we suppose it’s because everyone knows women do it for diamonds:

“Reactions to the study have been mixed, however, with many readers criticizing the scientists for looking at all human behavior as ‘mechanic’, and for failing to ask why women perform oral sex on men, which, in scientific terms, is seemingly just as much of a mystery.”

Oral sex performed on a female by her male mate was also deemed to be a sperm-retention gambit, prompting biological processes that encourage upward motility and greater likelihood of conception after a sex act.

The study states:

Men at greater recurrent risk of sperm competition are more likely to perform cunnilingus on their partner until she achieves orgasm.

Researchers concluded that “cunnilingus and female orgasm may be best explained as elements of a broader male mate retention strategy, but also that a single hypothesis alone may not provide a complete explanation.”

You can view the entire oral sex study over on the journal’s site. Do you think the findings are accurate, or do they further toxic male/female relationship dynamics?