The psychology of the words we use. This has been bothering me a great deal of late… I think because of Nelson Mandela‘s death and how his obituaries reminded me of the incredibly courageous and powerful choice he made to not seek revenge, but to foster reconciliation in post-apartheid South Africa. Mandela and Archbishop Desmond Tutu used words of peace, words that left open the door to healing and co-existence.
As state after state begin to fall in the inevitable domino collapse following SCOTUS‘ ruling this past summer, the LGBT community is now facing a United States where marriage equality is the law of the land. More and more mainstream politicians are abandoning their former opposition to it. Transgender hate crimes and laws supporting/slashing transgender rights are coming to the forefront of the war for a traditional heterosexual binary society (an indication that even our “enemies” have realized they are going to lose the marriage equality battle).
How are we going to deal with our victory? Will we return hate with hate? Will we seek reconciliation or revenge? Mandela or Stalin? How have we used words in battle that can poison our success and make the next battle worse? The one term that we use over and over to describe people opposed to LGBT rights and protections is “homophobe”. I invite you to consider that one word.
The Merriam-Webster online dictionary defines “phobia” as “an exaggerated usually inexplicable and illogical fear of a particular object, class of objects, or situation” [emphasis my own]. Hence a homophobe is someone with “an exaggerated inexplicable and illogical fear of” homosexuals. In other words, a craven, a coward, a mentally ill person. After all, agoraphobia is a paralyzing fear of open spaces; arachnophobia a fear of spiders; claustrophobia a fear of enclosed spaces.
The use of the term homophobia came into being with the assumption that straight men who assaulted and sometimes killed gay men were afraid of the latent homosexual in themselves, so they turned that fear into violence against symbols of their fear. In that particular context, the term is correct. It is what makes the term “transphobic” frequently accurate in the context of trans hate crimes… when it isn’t simple rage at having been “fooled” by a transwoman.
However, many if not most opponents of marriage equality are not afraid of us. They hold a sincere belief that homosexuality is sinful and against God’s declared wishes. That they flail around trying to wrap that belief in sociological reasons is a merely indicative of how they sense a purely religious argument isn’t going to fly well in our theoretically secular society. They want a traditional heterosexual binary society where they can live comfortably, raise their children and practice their religion without any muss or fuss. Recognizing LGBT people as people with rights disrupts that ideal… it makes them angry. It makes them hate us for threatening their ideal society.
It does not necessarily make them fear us. To them we are abominations, and they loathe us. Unfortunately, there isn’t a convenient label for that. “Homosexual loather” just doesn’t roll off the tongue the way “homophobe” does.
What does the use of “homophobe” create by way of reaction, though? Well, as mentioned earlier, it implies mental illness, cowardice and craven fear. It also implies latent homosexual tendencies. None of those are things any “red-blooded American” is going to accept as applying to them. No, they are accusations that are going to engender anger and rage, and a hardening of the battle lines.
Maybe we can soften those lines by substituting “anti-LGBT” instead of “homophobe”. It is certainly descriptive of their political stance, without the personal implications. It could, in the long run, make reconciliation easier.
Unless, of course, your goal is supremacy and revenge.
Related articles
- Home Office: Homophobic crime down but transphobic crime up across England and Wales (pinknews.co.uk)
- Mandela’s LGBTQ Advocacy Ignored in Africa African Diasporic Communities (ukprogressive.co.uk)
- In Their Own Words: LGBT Advocates on the State of Transgender Issues (advocate.com)
- The Ugly Collusion Between ‘Religious Faith’ and Bigotry (justiceforall.firedoglake.com)
- 20 years after ‘Boys Don’t Cry’ murders, transgender violence still happens (journalstar.com)
- Nelson Mandela on Overcoming Hatred (billmoyers.com)
